I've noticed a trend where I will only allow myself to make about 15 pounds of progress at a time. Its like my body/mind needs a good 6 months plus to accept that loss and get ready to push further. I was stuck at around 230-235 for probably almost a year, putting in a half-assed effort that allowed me to maintain, but not lose any further. Then once I finally got below 230 it was no trouble getting down to 215 - followed by another 8 months plus of maintaining at that weight. Finally I pushed through to where I am now, just over 200, and I am finding the same sabotaging behaviour creeping in.
Let me clarify that I don't mean I am bravely persevering through plateaus - I mean that when I have some success, a part of my brain goes, "Cue the constant chocolate eating, the failing to plan, and the general messing around or I might actually lose this weight!" I guess I could call it a "motivational plateau".
I think that I am not quite ready to get under that 200 lb mark, although I'm not sure why. As soon as that became a realistic short term goal with a bit of good effort for a couple of weeks, I automatically reached for the muffins and the chocolate. It could be that I just like to sprint, then rest, then sprint again, and as long as I'm not gaining it all back its not really so bad. Or it could be that I'm afraid of reaching my goal - because then what would I do?
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I've been thinking about some of the very same things lately. So has Beulah over at "Dear Ethel". I think that I have identified myself as a "fat girl" for so much of my life, that if I were to lose the Buddah, then what? Whole new identity. But the old indentity would still linger in my mind. And I would feel like a fraud. Old dogs learn new tricks slowly!
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