Still here

I weighed in at 205 lbs again this Saturday, which is better than I expected.

I followed it up immediately by taking on the buffet at a wedding with some serious gusto.

So, things are still not exactly on track but I have at least decided on a new strategy, which is really the old strategy that I forgot about when I got so excited about the 200 mark being in reach.

In a word: Slow.

I have been steadily losing about 15 lbs a year for the last 3 years. This glacial pace works for me. It involves frequent bouts of wine drinking, chocolate eating, and carb bingeing along with the veggies and lean meats. It is definitely not the recommended Weight Watchers approach, and I can't say that I recommend it either. But, it's the only thing I seem to be able to do with any consistency, probably because it doesn't require any consistency.

But somehow, when I saw the 190's in reach, I decided I needed to sprint. The frustration and the over-eating that followed has quickly reminded me that sprinting is not going to work for me in the long term. So, I'm back to the snail's pace, and my new goal is 204 lbs. If I get there this week, great. If not, next week is fine.

I am f7ing this up

Since my disappointment in last week's results, I've been deviating from the plan almost every day. I thought I would be able to maintain a rational, common sense, 'slow and steady' outlook but as it turns out -- not so much. I have no doubt that this week's numbers are going to be up.

I think I have become a bit obsessed with the idea that I need to get under 200, and I need to get under 200 NOW. My impatience to get to that goal has become a barrier to reaching it. So I will not be weighing myself anymore except on Saturday mornings and see if that helps.

This weight loss stuff is HARD!!

Seriously?

I did have a great week last week, but only lost an underwhelming .6 lbs to put me at 205.2 lbs. I was kind of frustrated, but this is the way it sometimes happens with me, and next week I should see a bigger loss (my body is on a 1 week delay where it likes to make sure I'm really serious before going to the trouble of actually getting rid of weight).

I just need to make sure I don't go eating the whole fridge out of annoyance and "nothing works anyway" thinking. For insurance, I went out and bought myself a great red and white dress for a wedding I am going to next week and it is so tight there is not much room for error. If it's a buffet, I might really be in trouble.

Exception

Okay, so I temporarily forgot that bread has sugar added to it, so until I can get to the stall at the Farmer's Market on Saturday where they sell sugar free bread, I'm going to make 100% whole wheat bread an exception to the no sugar added rule. There is no way I'm giving up bread - that's just crazy talk.

Other than that, the plan is going pretty well - I already feel a lot better and I'm definitely back in the groove.

Here we go again

Yikes! I was 205.8 lbs at WW this morning - so needless to say the whole back on track thing is still in the works. I couldn't seem to resist the sweets this week - again. It's time to get back to the basics and set some guidelines. To help me stick to the guidelines I'm going to write them down. I do best when I'm taking things day by day, week by week so this is what I'm going to do this week:

1. I will not eat foods that have any added sugar (or drink anything with added sugar). Natural sugar is fine, such as fruits or no sugar added jam.
2. I will drink more water - at least 6 glasses at home, plus my water bottle (about 750ml) at work every day.
3. I will not eat anything deep-fried.
4. I will not eat any cheese.
5. I will make an effort to down size my portions, paying attention to when I'm full.

Not exactly earth-shattering, but if I stick to this I'll be eating natural and healthy foods in reasonable quantities and that is my main goal.

On the exercise front, I've been restricted for a couple of months now due to my back problem (one herniated and one bulging disc). I do daily physio but otherwise I have to be really careful and take it easy, and I find it really frustrating. The back is starting to heal and hopefully I will not need to have surgery, but it's a really slow process. In August (at least as compared to July) I did manage to increase my flexibility and endurance a bit for simple things like sitting, walking and standing. This week I tried a Pilates DVD which everyone tells me is great for the back and I've done that twice - or tried to. For now, I'm going to keep the exercise to the physio, stretching and doing this DVD 3 times a week.

If I stick to the above, I know I'll have better results to report next week. Stay tuned...

Hershey's Kiss of Death

Continuing on the theme of chocolate sabotage, I had a very healthy day today until I went to the movies and soon found myself in the dark scoffing Reese's Pieces like they were going out of style. Which they really should be - I don't even really like Reese's Pieces! They are just the least offensive Hershey's brand chocolate available.*

Which brings me to something I have often lamented - why does Hershey's have such a stranglehold on movie chocolate? It is by far my least favourite brand of chocolate, and yet I find myself eating it at least once a month and paying a ridiculous amount of money for it because it is all that is available at the movies. (My self-delusion that I will one day go to the movies and NOT eat chocolate prevents me from planning ahead and bringing something else.)

So, no need to say that things continue down the slippery slope and if I don't put the brakes on soon I'll be undoing all my hard work in no time. But besides the Reese's Pieces, I did do fairly well today and I feel ready to give it a good effort again. It's all stops and starts but at least the stops seem to be getting shorter - fingers crossed.

(*A quick visit to the Hershey's website reveals that amongst all the other crap, they are responsible for the Kit Kat. I would like to make it clear that I in no way include the Kit Kat in my general rant against Hershey's -the Kit Kat is a truly delightful confection. But why the hell is it not available at the movies?)

Chocolate Sabotage

I've noticed a trend where I will only allow myself to make about 15 pounds of progress at a time. Its like my body/mind needs a good 6 months plus to accept that loss and get ready to push further. I was stuck at around 230-235 for probably almost a year, putting in a half-assed effort that allowed me to maintain, but not lose any further. Then once I finally got below 230 it was no trouble getting down to 215 - followed by another 8 months plus of maintaining at that weight. Finally I pushed through to where I am now, just over 200, and I am finding the same sabotaging behaviour creeping in.

Let me clarify that I don't mean I am bravely persevering through plateaus - I mean that when I have some success, a part of my brain goes, "Cue the constant chocolate eating, the failing to plan, and the general messing around or I might actually lose this weight!" I guess I could call it a "motivational plateau".

I think that I am not quite ready to get under that 200 lb mark, although I'm not sure why. As soon as that became a realistic short term goal with a bit of good effort for a couple of weeks, I automatically reached for the muffins and the chocolate. It could be that I just like to sprint, then rest, then sprint again, and as long as I'm not gaining it all back its not really so bad. Or it could be that I'm afraid of reaching my goal - because then what would I do?

Skinny Jeans

I bought a new pair of jeans today in size 34/34 from Bluenotes, a store I haven't been into since high school (a somewhat depressing 14 years ago).

A couple of observations:
1. The cool kids get way shittier service in these stores than we plus-sized yuppies have come to expect.
2. Now that I can finally fit into these stores, I'm way to freaking old to shop there.

Nevertheless, I plan on making a fool of myself wearing teenage clothing until the novelty wears off. Better late than never.

While I am happy about reaching this milestone of shopping at a "normal" store, I'm also confused. My memory may have blocked out some of the details due to the trauma of the experience, but I'm pretty sure I remember trying to squeeze my high school ass into the biggest pair of jeans in the store (a size 13) and not being able to. This marked the beginning of my approximately 15 year exile into the wilderness of plus sized stores. Problem is, I'm pretty sure my high school ass was smaller than the early 30's one I have now. So, is this another sign of the obesity crisis? Are my 34 jeans really 38's? Is this where those chubby teenagers with all the ass crack showing have been getting their jeans?

And oh yeah, I am now at 203.4 lbs.

Back

Just because I've dropped out of the blog-o-sphere doesn't mean things have been off the rails - at least not the whole time anyway.

The weight is still coming off - currently I'm at 204.8 lbs.

The weight issue has been eclipsed of late by a back problem which has been causing severe pain and limitation to my ability to get around. I was even off work for a few weeks and I'm now back part-time.

Prior to that, work was so crapping busy and overwhelming that I lost the ability to do anything except obsess, worry and dream about it. This kind of commitment to anxiety and compulsion doesn't leave a lot of time for blogging.

I've been thinking lately about trying to recapture some of the things I used to enjoy when I was more myself. One of them was writing. As is true of a lot of things in my life, my writing has fallen victim to that severe internal clever critic that just won't stand for the kind of crap in the above paragraphs. But I'm going to try and turn that voice off and just bang it out, damn it. And to hell with it.

So I hope I will be back here more often, losing weight, bitching and moaning, and having some fun while I'm at it. Hope to see you around.

Wrong Direction

The scale went up .8 last Saturday -- I was actually surprised by this, but when I look back, I think I was kidding myself that I was doing well. I ate some healthy foods, but also some not so healthy foods. So I've got the healthy foods added in -- now for the much tricker "taking the unhealthy foods out" part :)

I read in Dietgirl's book something about weight loss being the cumulative affect of small decisions over time (put much more eloquently of course) and I've been keeping that in mind this week. Hopefully the cumulative affect will be a loss, but if it's not, I'm not going anywhere.

The Bleak Mid-Winter

First the weigh in news: .4 down. Kind of underwhelming, but really not bad considering I ate out almost every day last week. So many January birthdays, so little will power.

And now the weather: cold, cold, cold. As in, feels like -46 C with windchill cold. Somehow every year I seem to forget that winter does not in fact end with the holidays and I find it really annoying when it has the nerve to continue on blithely through January and February, getting worse all the time. I'm done with you, winter! Didn't you get the memo?

When its really cold all my motivation to exercise goes out the window. It seems contrary to common sense to expend calories when its only down to the whim of the furnace gods that I'm not shivering under 10 blankets, relying on those last few cookies to see me through until I'm rescued. And the thought of SWIMMING, my usual cardio, is just ridiculous.

And on top of all that, we didn't go grocery shopping before the cold snap set in and I can't imagine getting up the nerve to go grocery shopping in this.

So what has this taught me? Planning is the key. I SHOULD have thought ahead and gone grocery shopping before Sunday. I SHOULD have a store of frozen and canned foods that I use when a team of dogs couldn't drag me to the grocery store on a sled. And I need to have a go-to exercise option, like DVD's or an inside bike, to use when the swimming isn't happening. And I need to be PATIENT when my best laid plans go awry.

Slow and Steady

The votes have been counted and I'm now sitting at 215.6. Followed it up with a freezing (like -18 C freezing) walk for about a half hour (this was all we could manage without losing some appendages to frost bite).

I also went on a trip through WW memberships books past and I can report that since my first trip to WW in November 2004 I'm down 40 lbs. An average of about 13 lbs per year or about 1 lb per month. Attention hares -- turtle sighted plodding along behind you! If I keep it up, 2009 should just about see me under 200. It is so contrary to my nature to be patient for anything so perhaps that is another of the many lessons I'm learning through all this.

Right then

I go to Weight Watchers - I don't actually follow the program, mind you, I just go. I have a couple of friends that I go and have coffee with after, one of whom has lost over 100 lbs, and it keeps me on track and motivated for the week (sometimes). Last week was the first time I've actually gone since before Christmas, and the results weren't too bad considering - 216 point something. Come to think of it, it could have been point 8 but still, it's the number in front that matters, right?

Tomorrow is WW day again -- time to see how things have gone this week. I think I've run a pretty good campaign, but we'll have to see what the voters have to say. I haven't exactly got the "exercise every day" part down yet, but the eating has been quite healthy. I have actually been eating more, but healthier and with half an eye to the actual nutritional content. I have certainly not been hungry. Tonight I actually planned a meal to eat before arriving at a restaurant, and when I got there, ate that meal. Wowzers. This is big stuff, people.

Wish me luck tomorrow - the scale isn't everything, but sometimes I need a bit of a motivational push to get things rocking.

A New Start

My New Year's start has gotten off rather slowly. I slept in late yesterday due to staying up until 2:00 a.m. reading and didn't make it to Saturday morning Weight Watchers. I can't say this was entirely accidental, I was more than happy to have an excuse to put off facing the numbers for another week. Then I decided to just weigh myself at home today and not put it off any longer, but those good intentions were foiled by the "Low Battery" reading on my scale. Before it konked out it had climbed to about 220 -- let's just hope it was going to stop there, shall we? That wouldn't be so bad, given the kind of serious bad eating I've been doing lately. Even this half-assed weigh-in has made me feel a bit more on track and accountable. I can feel the resolve and energy starting to creep back and the New Year's excitement finally making itself shown. I will go swimming this afternoon and try to keep it rolling through the week.

Pleasing Other People

In pursuit of the above goal I have spent a hell of a lot time, energy & money in 2007, and every year before that, come to think of it.

And they are not pleased, are they? No they are not.

I'm toying with the idea that you could probably trace at least half of these extra pounds I'm carrying to cookies, chocolates, drinks, extra helpings, and other "treats" that I have indulged in as a quick, effortless way to please myself after most of my energy has already been expended on others. Kind of a misguided way to satisfy the need for self-care. I wonder if I would still need to indulge in these "treats" if I had treated myself with as much consideration and respect as I treat others?

Or am I just feeling particularly unappreciated and annoyed tonight? Quite possibly.

Either way, I think I'm going to make myself a hot chocolate.

What Are They Doing, Anyway?

I decided to call this blog "Everyone Else is Doing It ..." for several reasons.

First, I can be spectacularly uncreative at times and nothing better came to mind - for similar lack of inspiration, see the web address.

Second, one of the main reasons I decided to write a blog is because I have been a lurker on so many weight loss blogs over the last year and I felt like I wanted to participate a little more actively.

And finally, once I started thinking about the title, I realized that it actually does have a bit of deeper meaning, even if found accidentally. One of the main themes of this blog is going to be weight loss and my continuing slow but steady efforts to achieve it. You, dear reader, are joining me on this weight loss journey approximately 30-40 pounds in (due to the incredible slowness of the journey accurate record keeping is difficult). I have about the same amount left to lose. One of the realizations that I have come to during this process is that I had accepted that being a healthy weight and living a healthy lifestyle were things I simply could not do - that somehow I was predestined to be overweight and there was no hope of being any other way, so why bother? I am working on challenging this belief and creating a new belief that I can be whatever I choose to be and live however I choose to live.

I'm hoping that this blog will help me in this and I'm looking forward to seeing where it takes me.